Godspeed
by Sparrowfeather1
Summary: When Reid is dying of anthrax he doesn't only leave a message for his mother but one for Morgan too. He wants to tell him something important before it's to late. Derek Morgan / Spencer Reid One-shot, slash.


**So Im watching the Anthrax episode of Criminal Minds and Reid calls Garcia to record a message for his mom. This is a 'what if he left a message for Morgan too' story. Its short but it was supposed to be just a small little one shot. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey Derek, it's me…I guess I just had some things to say and if I don't ever get the chance to tell you face to face I still want you to know. All my life I've been alone and ostracized and harassed because I wasn't like everyone else. I've always been different and it's just something I had to live with. It wasn't ever easy for me to make friends, on the rare occasion someone actually talked to me they usually had an ulterior motive. They wanted help on a school project and wanted the freak genius' help or they just wanted to screw with me and make me think they actually cared before humiliating me. I learned not to trust people. Books and facts were easy, they were real, they weren't going to hurt me or abandon me like people always seemed to. I stopped trusting the world a-and I already had problems trusting my own mind. It's horrible, not knowing if a thought is your own or if it's the first onset of schizophrenia. And more than anything it mad me feel alone. I had no friends, my father was gone, my mother is sick and more than that I was scared that I was loosing it too.

Then I joined the BAU, I finally found a place where my mind helped me fit in, not set me apart. For once I felt like I was in a place of my peers, maybe you guys weren't all geniuses with facts and numbers but in your own way you're all geniuses in your field. Garcia with her computers, JJ with public communication, everyone has their own niche where they are smarter than anyone else I have ever met. But it wasn't just that reason that made me love my job. Despite all of the horrors we see everyday I loved the job because that's where I met you. You are…different. I don't really know how to describe it except that you make me feel like I'm worth something. Like I'm not just some kind of freak of nature, when I met you I finally found a friend. A real friend.

And after a while I started to feel more than friendship towards you. At first I didn't know if my feelings were real or if I was just reading to much into having a friend. I thought maybe I was twisting those feelings and changing them into something else, something romantic. But as time went on I became painfully aware of just how genuine those feelings were. I tried to push them away or try to find someone else but it never worked out. My thoughts always came back to you. I love you Derek, you're my best friend and the first person that actually gave me hope that the world isn't so bad…

I-I know we would have never worked out. You're straight and even if you weren't, sixty six percent of office romances end in a break up and I'd rather have you as just a friend than risk loosing the only real family I ever had over a bad break up. But in case I don't get out of this I just-I just had to make sure you knew how much I love you and how much I'm proud to say I can call you my friend. If I die, I'll die being happy because you were a part of my life.

I can see you out the window you know, stalking the yard. You look upset but you also haven't left me. You don't know what that means to me. Everyone else in my life left and those were during supposedly 'good times.' I'm dying of anthrax and you're still there, just like when I got addicted to drugs…

You haven't left me yet, ever, I keep on saying that because I'm still shocked. But if things start getting bad in here I hope you do leave. I don't want you to see me die. I don't want you to remember me that way.

So I guess I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you. You changed my life. I love you Derek…bye"

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


End file.
